Rape # 1 – shame on the rapist. Rape # 2 – shame on the emergency room

I saw first hand today a reason for not reporting rape. WHAT?

Yeah. Let’s call it the emergency room rapist. 

A very dear friend was raped. She called me. We went to the emergency room… it was the right thing to do. Get a rape kit done.  Take the cocktail concoction of the morning after pill, STD antibiotics and HIV prevention drugs. Make sure no other injuries are present. Talk to a rape crisis representative. Get the physical trauma taken care of.

The emergency room staff seems to forget their is a mental trauma that comes with rape. Either that, or they just don’t give a damn.

The entire visit played out like a bad scene from the Keystone Cops.

We arrived in the ER at about 1:00. My friend went to the front desk and told them she had been raped. They put her immediately into a triage room. I thought, “Bravo for the immediate response. They will get her in and out quickly!” BAH!

While we were sitting in triage, they asked my friend if she wanted Rape Crisis called. Yes, please. Before we left triage, my friend reiterated that she wanted Rape Crisis called. (We had talked to Rape Crisis before leaving to go to the ER at about 12:30, and they had someone on standby, waiting to be called by the hospital… procedures.)

After the triage was complete, we were told the room wasn’t ready, they had to move some people around. It wouldn’t be long. We were then pointed to either a stoop outside or the waiting room. We chose the waiting room because it was 90 million degrees out and humid. It wouldn’t be long. BAH!

After about 45 minutes (and remember, they just had to move someone out of the room), I went up to the desk and said when? They said they were still working on it, but my friend’s chart had just been taken back. Fine. About 15 minutes later, my friend went to the desk and just stood there. They told her to have a seat. She said no. She could no longer sit. She was in pain, and she needed to lie down. Have a seat. NO! And she stood there. About 5 minutes later, we were told to come back. We went around the circle to room 14. It was empty, but not ready. The whatever the hell she was, threw (and yes, I mean threw) a table out of her way. She was pissed that my friend wasn’t being patient. And slid one of those examination tables across the floor like it was butter. She dropped the sheets and the gown on the floor, picked them up, and made the bed with them, and then expected my friend to put on that gown. ”Excuse us. We are so sorry she was raped… traumatized… but your little hissy fit is obnoxious and unprofessional. At least pretend to be sympathetic in front of the victim, instead of TRAUMATIZING HER MORE by making her think she is an IMPOSITION ON YOUR DAY!” She stormed out, and we didn’t see her again.

My friend and I stood in the room, not sure what to do. A porter dude walked by, checking beds. He looked in room 14 and said why no bed? Neither of us knew. So he came in and it took the two of us to move the examination table back to where it had been before Nurse Attitude moved it. Then we got a bed in there, and my friend was finally able to get some comfort.  

Almost immediately, an intern showed up. (My faith was almost restored). He asked my friend if she wanted to tell him what happened. She promptly said NO! She didn’t want to have to tell him what happened, and then tell 10 other people too. She wanted to tell it once and that was it. He left, and sent in the resident. The resident explained to us there were no female interns or residents on at that time, but the examination would be done by a woman. It was crazy.

And still no Rape Crisis Volunteer had shown up.

It had been about 2 1/2 hours since we arrived. About 2 hours since we had requested them to be called. So while sitting in room 14, we decided to call. The hotline had been put on alert. The volunteer that was going to be coming had been put on alert. The hospital NEVER CALLED! The volunteer decided to come anyway. And she got there very quickly.

Dude Intern returned at about 4 and had my friend signing papers and releases and stuff. We could tell he was new, and he was nervous. So were we. A nurse came in and drew blood and gave her some pain killers.

And then we sat. And waited. And waited. And waited. While we were waiting, I was reading some of the paperwork they gave my friend. Room 14 and room 15 are rooms reserved and specifically designated for Sexual Assault victims. 15 was empty when we came in, and remained empty while we were there. I’m not sure I understand why they had my friend waiting in the freaking lobby for an hour!

At about 6:45 or so, finally, the nurse practitioner came in to do the rape kit. She brought with her all of this stuff that had to fit in room 14. We had to rearrange the room before anything could be done. We had to get rid of the bed, and my friend moved to the examination table. We had to find equipment that worked. It was a good 45 minutes before she even began the examination.

I have never been through a rape kit examination before.

I hope I never have to do it again.

I tried being strong for my friend all day, and I did. I didn’t get emotional, because I didn’t want her to become more upset. But when she started crying during the exam, and I couldn’t do anything to help her, to comfort her, it hurt me! I couldn’t hold back anymore, and was crying with her, and for her, and for every victim of sexual assault and sexual abuse.

Let me tell you what happens during a rape kit exam. The nurse swabs around the vagina, the rectum, the mouth, and anywhere else the victim can remember the rapist handling. She made my friend scrap under her own fingernails. The nurse then yanks hair out of the victim’s head for DNA sampling. The victim is asked to assist by pulling hair out too. The pubic hair is combed rather vigorously. Then pubic hairs are yanked out. The nurse can do it, or the victim can do it. This is all dehumanizing in itself, on top of a rape, but then the nurse has to swab inside the vagina. Not once, not twice, but 6 times. Then she does the same thing in the rectum. Then its a finger exam, in both areas. The whole thing took about an hour. The actual rape was about an hour.

My friend was brave, and although she screamed and cried, she lived through the process. She is a warrior. And I am very proud of her. If it had been me… there would have been no way in hell. They would have had to put me under anesthesia. 

At about 8:45, they finally brought her meds in and she took them. All we had to do at that point was wait for the rest of the paperwork and the discharge. At about 9:15, I finally lost it. I went to the desk, and said we had already been there more than 8 hours. What the hell is taking the doctor so long? We’re working on it. I was really mad, and tired, and hypoglycemic (2 bags of pretzels in 12 hours didn’t work). I made the announcement at the desk that I understand why rape goes unreported, why rapists and pedophiles  walk free. This entire process leaves a victim feeling more victimized and traumatized. It still took them another half hour to come and release her. At about 10pm, 9 hours after we arrived, we were finally going home.  

I want to know what the rapist did for those 9 hours!!!! I want to know if someone was sticking their fingers up his ass! I want to know if he was sitting, staring at a wall, and waiting for people to come take care of him! I want to know if he had to take a cocktail of medicines that made him nauseous and vomit and heave all night. My guess: he didn’t give it a second thought. He worked as usual, and he ate as usual, and he thought about how manly he was for forcing some girl to get his rocks off. What is even more pathetic… HE TOLD HER HE TOOK VIAGRA SO HE COULD GET IT UP! A rapist with Erectile Dysfunction. Get a clue.

Every man who has committed a rape, every man who has thought of committing a rape, every man who commits sexual abuse, every man who sexually harasses, every man who tells stupid woman bashing jokes, every man who laughs at those damn jokes, every man who breathes should have to go through a rape kit exam, and have a nurse slam a couple of fingers up his ass with no foreplay. THEN, they should have to sit and try to console their mother, their sister, their wife, their DAUGHTER, while going through a rape kit exam. The ones that get off on it, seem to enjoy it, they should be nuetered and locked up.

The coward who raped my friend may get away with it, because my friend isn’t sure whether she will press charges or not. She, understandably, has to think about herself first. Yesterday was day one, the Emergency Room. She went through HELL. Pressing charges will only be more hell for her. Isn’t the rape enough hell itself? The court system would mean a third rape. Shame on them.