Words.

I don’t understand the first.       Confusing to me.
I have grown to despise the first.         No.     
If I say it aloud it will scatter.      Run run run fast.       Far away.
Out of reach.          Out of sight.           My reach.    My sight.
I always manage to feel it.     Give it.        Too deeply.
In a cutting way.                   Slices inside me.    Slices inside him.
It hurts me.        Protect them from me.
Beheaded.                     Behearted.
I destroy it.           Fear.             Self destruct.           Sabatoge.
“On the spot.”                    What do I need?          Want?
Ask for help.         Make them understand.
“You know.”     I knew.     Yesterdays.     Maybe today it’s gone.
Reassurance.                 Disappears.
Take it away.             Chase it away.                              Go away.
Why is it so hard?                Idiot.              Fool.
Am I worthy of the first?               Supposedly.
I make it so hard.         Energy drain.             Static cling.
Independence.       Self control.            Confidence. 
Want.         Lack.           Learning.
Is it working?                          Can you tell?
No expectations.                     Heartache.           Too late.
Will it ever be safe?         Vulnerable.         Fear.
evoL.      livE.                  Fool.              Idiot.

Main Entry: ¹love

Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lufu; akin to Old High German luba love, Old English leof dear, Latin lubere, libere to please
1 a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates> b : an assurance of love <give her my love>
2 : warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>
3 a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration <baseball was his first love> b (1) : a beloved person : often used as a term of endearment (2) British — used as an informal term of address
4 a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2) : brotherly concern for others b : a person’s adoration of God
5 : a god or personification of love
6 : an amorous episode 
7 : the sexual embrace 
- in love : inspired by affection

Main Entry: ²loveFunction: verb
Inflected Form(s): loved ; lov·ing
transitive senses
1 : to hold dear : cherish
2 a : to feel a lover’s passion, devotion, or tenderness for b (1) : caress (2) : to fondle amorously (3) : to copulate with
3 : to like or desire actively : take pleasure in <loved to play the violin>
4 : to thrive in <the rose loves sunlight>
intransitive senses : to feel affection or experience desire

Main Entry: ¹fool

Function: noun
Pronunciation: ‘fül
Etymology: Middle English, from Old French fol, from Late Latin follis, from Latin, bellows, bag; akin to Old High German bolla blister, balg bag
1 : a person lacking in judgment or prudence
2  b : one who is victimized or made to appear foolish : dupe
3 a : a harmlessly deranged person or one lacking in common powers of understanding b : one with a marked propensity or fondness for something <a dancing fool> <a fool for candy>

Main Entry: ²fool
Function: adjective
: FOOLISH, SILLY<barking its fool head off>

Main Entry: id·i·ot

Function: noun
Pronunciation: ‘i-de-&t
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French ydiote, from Latin idiota ignorant person, from Greek idiOtes one in a private station, layman, ignorant person, from idios one’s own, private; akin to Latin suus one’s own — more at SUICIDE
1 usually offensive : a person affected with idiocy
2 : a foolish or stupid person
- idiot adjective

Main Entry: id·i·o·cy

Function: noun
Pronunciation: ‘i-de-&-se
Inflected Form(s): plural -cies
1 usually offensive : extreme mental retardation
2 : something notably stupid or foolish

Words that swirl together in my life. Definitions all seem to entwine. Never the first without the latter.