Article
Childhood sexual abuse has become a hot topic and some commentators are complaining that the abusers are offering the excuse that they themselves were victims of childhood sexual abuse. While it is right for these commentators to demand that people obey strict rules of right and wrong, we should investigate this phenomenon more closely because it is more complex than one might think at first glance.
Childhood sexual abuse is a broad category ranging from violent rape to inappropriate touching. It is more common than many people realize. While percentages reported in various studies vary substantially because researchers define abuse differently, one study found that 24% of women and 16% of men had abusive sexual experiences before age 16. Unfortunately, even seemingly minor incidents can have long-term negative consequences, affecting the victim’s self image and attitudes to sexuality.
How abuse affects a child is governed by many variables: the age of the child at the time of the abuse and the age of the abuser; the relationship between the child and the abuser; the duration of the abuse; the number of separate incidents of abuse; and the nature of the abuse. Did the abuser use violence, threats, or seduction? Was the child also the victim of physical or emotional abuse? Abusers frequently target children who are emotionally needy or particularly vulnerable. Did the child keep the abuse a secret? If they told, were they believed? Did they feel that their parents tried to protect them?
Children who are abused typically feel shame, humiliation and guilt. They may feel that they should have recognized the seduction for what it was or not given in to threats. Sexually abused children are robbed of their innocence and may develop an unhealthy curiosity about sex which will lead them to act out sexually alone or with other children. This increases guilt and shame and can make it more difficult for them to tell someone what happened to them.
While only a small percentage of persons who have been sexually abused become pedophiles, most pedophiles have a history of sexual abuse, often accompanied by other forms of abuse.
It is also true that the percentage of same-sex abuse – men abusing boys, women abusing girls – is higher than the percentage of same-sex attraction in the general public. About 95% of all sexual abuse is committed by males. Less than 3% of the male population experiences same-sex attractions. Therefore, one would expect that ratio of boy to girl victims of sexual abuse would be 8 to 92, but instead nearly one third of victims of male abusers are male.
There are several possible explanations for this. First, adults experiencing same-sex attractions have higher rates of childhood sexual abuse than the general public. Several studies report that 40% of this population has a history of sexual abuse. A girl abused by a male, may not trust men; a boy abused by a male may see his victimization a sign he is homosexual.
Second, men who are tempted to abuse children have easier access to boys than to girls. Finally, one way to deal with the sense of powerlessness the victim feels is to recreate the abuse scenario in such a way that he has power over others. An eight-year-old girl, who had been molested by her foster brother, asked her mother, “If I do this to someone else, will I get my power back?” The man who was abused as child may attempt to work out his particular trauma with a boy near the age he was when he was abused. Those who want to understand this phenomenon might find Robert Stoller’s book Perversion: The Erotic Form of Hatred helpful.
Again, we cannot excuse abuse because the abuser was victimized as a child, anymore than we would excuse the man who experienced violence as a child when he beats his wife. Society has a duty to prevent the abuse of children and to punish sexual predators severely.
What we can do is to help victims of childhood sexual abuse understand how the abuse has warped their view of sexuality. Keeping the abuse secret only increases guilt and shame. Anyone who has experienced childhood sexual abuse — no matter how slight or how long ago — needs to tell someone.
Telling is only the first step, the person needs help in working through the guilt, shame, and anger. Often the anger is directed toward those whom the victim feels should have protected him or believed him. In this regard the process of forgiveness can be extremely beneficial. Those interested in finding freedom from the affects of sexual abuse might find the book Forgiveness is a Choice, by Robert Enright helpful. Forgiveness isn’t excusing, condoning, or letting the abuser “get away with it.” The forgiveness process involves recognizing the full extent of suffering caused by the abuse and deciding to release oneself from the resentment. Resentment – the continual re-feeling of an old injury — prevents the person from moving on. Forgiveness sets the victim free.
Finally, the abused needs to decide whether or not he needs to do something to prevent the abuser from abusing others. In some cases this is no longer an issue, but in others the victim may have reason to believe that his abuser is continuing this behavior and needs to be stopped.
Dale O’Leary is a writer, pro-family activist and educator living in Rhode Island. Her e-mail address is daleoleary@thefactis.org.
