Do you realize what you did to the person you raped/sexually assaulted/sexually harassed/sexually abused?
Your actions have given your victims a life sentence. Fear. Anxiety. Depression. Worthlessness. And this barely touches the surface.
These feelings last a lifetime.
Sure, we get therapy. We heal. But we are never the same. Fear and anxiety and depression and worthlessness and everything else you have given us sneak in every now and then.
You take from us one of our most precious possessions.
Sometimes, you do it with violence. Sometimes you do it with lies and manipulations. Sometimes you do it with drugs.
And you wonder why we don’t want you back in society. You wonder why we don’t want you around our children. You wonder why we want to know where you are, where you are living, who you are.
You spout off about recidivism rates. The truth about recidivism:
For every sex offender that is caught and convicted, the chances are there are other victims the offender won’t be convicted for. It has been estimated that an offender has an average of 117 victims.
For every sex offender that is caught and convicted, there are 12 offenders that aren’t caught, let alone convicted.
Recidivism data is thrown out the window. This data is based on convictions and re-convictions. If 12 out of 13 sex offenders are running around and never caught, and only 3 or 4 victims out of 117 are coming forward… recidivism rates are WAY OFF.
Chances are you are reoffending, just not being caught.
It’s absolutely that epidemic.
Recidivism rates have no bearing.
And to those who defend you:
Most sex offenders and your supporters LOVE to use the rationalization that children lie.
So do sex offenders.
In order for a sex offender to be successful (taking out the violence aspect for a moment), he or she must be successful at lying and manipulating. Many of them are so good at it that they convince those around them they are good, kind and well-intentioned.
That’s what they want you to believe; NEED you to think. And you do.
IF they are finally caught, those closest to the offender can not, WILL NOT, believe that their uncle, brother, father, grandfather, favorite teacher, coolest coach, daycare provider, parish priest… is possible of committing such an act.
Parents (with the exception of the molesting parent) are not to blame either. As good as the sex offender is at manipulating his victim, he is that good at manipulating the parents.
And when an adult “has sex” with a minor… it is called rape/sexual assault. Some places call it sexual battery.
No matter the name, it is a crime. Minors can not legally consent to having sex. If you are an adult, and sexually assault a minor… even if the minor says yes, even if the minor seduces you, you are the adult, you say no. If not, you face the punishment (see below).
Teachers, priests, coaches – anyone in authority – know this better than anyone. The ones who abuse their authority to rape a child NEED to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
One of the most used defenses by a sex offender and those that support you is the lack of physical evidence.
Physical evidence is often not available. When your victim does come forward, it isn’t always right away.
Can you blame them?
Sex offenders, in your little arsenal of lies and manipulations… you are also known to utilize threats and other abusive tactics to keep your victims silent. Threats of violence, death, and anything else the offender believes will be effective on your victim are used.
These threats are especially effective on children, especially if the offender threatens the child’s guardian, a pet, or anything else the child cares about.
And children are very insightful. They know the monsters who hurt them are well liked and trusted. It’s how they gained the trust of the child and the child’s protectors in the first place.
Along with whatever the monster told the child to help keep his/her silence, the child usually believes if she comes forward, she will not be believed. Instead, the child believes there will be punishment by those who the child is supposed to be able to trust. The child is in danger, and has no where to turn.
When the victim is finally able to come forward, it isn’t pretty.
Have you witnessed what happens when a victim comes forward?
First, there is the sexual assault examination, known as a rape kit.
It’s invasive, painful, and uncomfortable. And it usually takes longer than the sexual assault itself.
Second, media and public opinion come into play.
Too many people say stupid things.
“She was drunk.” (Read as she deserved it.)
“She was wearing a short skirt.” (Read as she wanted it.)
“She was kissing him. They were fooling around.” (Read as she consented to it.)
A woman has every right to drink what she wants, wear what she wants, and say NO at anytime!
Too often, these simple rights are forgotten, not only by you, the offender, but by those trying to rationalize your crimes.
The media often misuses the phrase “having sex” (which implies consent), instead of using the rightful “sexual assault.” Stick alleged in front of it if it makes you feel better.
Berkeley Brean from a local news station, just the other night, was reporting on an adult man being arrested for “having sex” with a minor.
Mr Brean, When referring to a case of an adult “having sex” with a child… it is not “having sex”. The correct phrasing is either sexual abuse, sexual assault or rape. “Having sex” with someone under the age of consent implies that there was no crime committed. It implies the victim may have consented, when, in fact, a 14-year-old (in this case) is incapable of giving legal consent. Thank you for taking this into consideration in future reporting. Sincerly, Lisa W., SadlyNormal.org
I received no response.
Although later, when Janet Lomax reported on the same case, she correctly reported it as sexual assault.
All of this being said, and all of this being the reality, you whine about your punishment.
A life sentence for a sex offender… it’s nothing. Whether that life sentence is served in prison, or served having to live at least 1500 feet from a school.
Why should we let a sex offender have easier access to our children? Of course you can drive to the school and take your pick. Maybe next, Ohio’s license plate idea will spread.
It’s not an easy life for a “freed” sex offender, but it isn’t an easy life for the victim either.
The fact is, these are the laws. When you commit the crime, and agree to your plea, and know what the ordinances are, and that they can change at anytime… that is part of your sentence.
Your sentence no longer ends when you leave that jail cell. Your sentence continues even when you are able to walk down Main St. and shop at your favorite grocery store.
Your sentence continues just like the victim’s sentence.
If you don’t want to have this sentence imposed on you, then don’t commit a sexual offense.
I dont agree with everything the legal system is doing, especially when it concerns the sex offender registry. There are some acts that don’t belong on the registry. Mooning someone deserves a kick in the buttocks. Urinating in a public place deserves some community service cleaning Port-A-Pottys with a toothbrush. But if you rape or sexually assault or sexually abuse; whether you abuse your authority, or use force, or violence or lies and manipulations; you belong on the SOR even after jail.
Also, I need to state that I am not stupid. I know some lie about being sexually assaulted, for whatever reason. But it isn’t the norm, as many of you and your supporters like to claim.
Anyone who would willingly go through any of this for attention or money or notoriaty or whatever their reason is, has serious issues. Anyone who lies about being raped or molested, should be punished to the same extremes as a sex offender is. It’s crimes like these that make doubting a real victim easier.
Sex offenders, supporters thereof… think twice.
Think twice before you act out your impulses.
Think twice before you misuse your authority.
Think twice about the lies and manipulations.
And make that second thought about the sentence you will serve… SOR and all… before committing your crime.
June 6, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Thank you, Lisa for that very tearful, emotional, and insightful moment of clarity that has been SADLY lacking from all the arguments regarding the sex offender registry. I too am amazed at the barrage of sex-offender friendly articles around the country, and shudder at their true manipulations. In fact, more needs to be done, and that is to inter all sex offenders into colonies so they will NOT offend again.
Although I’ve posted to several sex offender blogs, I still feel it’s very important to get this message through. Our children and families are under a greater threat of domestic terrorism than at any point in our country. We should consider not only restriction the length of distance a child molester lives from our schools and parks, but consider a concentrated place to intern registered sex offenders AWAY from ALL children and vulnerable citizens.
It is time we seriously consider building sex offender colonies throughout the western United States and Alaska.
It is obvious. Nobody wants sex offenders to live in their neighborhoods, or even their cities. I’m a parent, and I would fight tooth and nail to prevent sex offenders from living anywhere that children may live, even if their victims were people they knew. It means NOTHING to me; what means EVERYTHING to me is they committed an atrocious crime against children. That’s enough for me.
Unfortunately, these sex offenders have rights. If they are not in prison, they will probably get the ACLU to sue the city and we will have to spend thousands of dollars defending the restrictions.
The ONLY thing, therefore, is to create an amendment to the US Constitution, creating sex offender colonies to restrict where these convicted sex offenders live in the first place. How to do this?
The first thing that needs to be done is to create an outline of such an amendment. I looked at the process for how an amendment is created. Here is the process:
Under Article V, there are two ways to propose amendments to the Constitution and two ways to ratify them.
To propose an amendment
1. Two-thirds of both houses of Congress vote to propose an amendment, or
2. Two-thirds of the state legislatures ask Congress to call a national convention to propose amendments.
To ratify an amendment
1. Three-fourths of the state legislatures approve it, or
2. Ratifying conventions in three-fourths of the states approve it.
I would submit that the state legislature route would probably be more effective, but the congressional method can be tried first. It can effectively be used as a litmus test for voting, i.e., if someone doesn’t want to vote for proposing the amendment in congress, their 2008 opponent can have a field day in saying that the incumbent protects sex offenders at the expense of children’s safety, etc.
Such an amendment would solve many problems. First of all, the registry would not exist in its current form. Parents don’t have to worry where the sex offenders live, as they all would, by law, have to live in the colony. This also eliminates the need for GPS, as the sex offenders would be restricted to the colony in the first place. No worries about convicted child molesters stalking your children’s school or favorite park, or trolling on the Internet.
Next, registrants would constitutionally have to be subjected to non-court ordered search of their premises within the zone. In addition, all their mail and phone calls would constitutionally be authorized to be monitored for illicit activities. Internet usage would also be strictly regulated, with all file storage for every computer actually done at the server-level. In addition, emails would be assigned by the administration, no Instant messaging or accessing MySpace or other children sites allowed, and all keystrokes and sites visited will be recorded 100%. All costs for such usage would be borne out by the offender, incidentally.
All registrants would be required to work, with their paychecks being handled by the administrators. Deductions for medical, rent, all services, and everything else would be done automatically, and any credit the registrant have be used for discretionary income ONLY from the colony store. Also, EVERY registrant will be required to go through treatment appropriate to his crime, and be certified as cured; otherwise, he can be subject to a felony charge and returned to prison.
Now, please keep in mind one thing: The sex offender colony is NOT…repeat…NOT a replacement for tough, appropriately long, non-paroleable sentencing guidelines in the first place! THAT IS PARAMOUNT. The colony would exist because society cannot handle the large amounts of offenders in their neighborhoods, with the inherent terror parents have with the knowledge that offenders are around their children. Therefore, the colony is SPECIFICALLY for offenders to spend their entire registration periods in a constitutionally-approved manner, eliminating the need for registries as they exist now.
Keep in mind, many offenders also are able to leave the registry for certain crimes after a specified amount of time has passed. Therefore, once a registrant’s time period has expired, he can petition the administration to be relieved of the duty to register and live in the SORERA zone. A panel of professionals, law enforcement individuals, and the offender’s victim representatives, will go over the request. If they feel the offender is ready to join society, then he can leave the zone and live anywhere he wants, although he will have to permanently register with law enforcement wherever he goes for the rest of his life. Bear in mind, also, that any registrant who has to register for life will NEVER get the opportunity to leave the zone. Only the most benign of the registrants will ever be allowed to leave.
So there you have it. With a constitutional amendment, we can control where they live, where they work, and how they communicate, with confidence that they won’t have a “relapse” when our own children are in striking distance.
All interested people are encouraged to write to me at man4theages@hotmail.com to further this just cause.
Lisa, I pray that you find sanity and peace for your victims, and I share with you in that sex offenders must be punished for the rest of their lives, no matter their status as prisoner or not.
June 6, 2007 at 3:53 pm
Lisa,
Your words have hit home more than you can imagine. The attorney representing Bryan Farmer, a coach here in Tennessee, used the exact situations you speak of to convince a jury to acquit him on 7 of the 8 counts he faced. Luckily, they were half brained enough to convict him on one count of sexual battery by an authority figure. I feel 100 % confident, your words can be used when the victim has her chance to convince the judge to put him away at the sentencing hearing.
Thank you for going above and beyond on your attempt to educate the public on such an epidemic.
June 21, 2007 at 2:30 pm
Lisa: kudos for calling Brean on his gross mistake. I agree about the life sentence–pedophiles don’t stop! And, I have to say, at 45, I feel like I’ve had a life sentence assigned to me as a survivor. It gets better every day, but not without much pain, doubt, self-loathing, terror, fear, and LOTS of money shelled out for therapy. Hey, thanks for contributing this to the blog carnival against child abuse–good stuff!
June 22, 2007 at 2:44 am
Speaking more on juvenile offenders
Everyone who is a citizen of the United States has rights. That is our foundation, our system. Sadly, we are forced to believe in a system that repeatedly fails honest people; a system that fails victims and the accused ALIKE.
We cannot speak in absolutes. Those of us who have not personally dealt with this issue cannot possibly speak for victims, nor abusers. No one story, issue, publicized incident, should set a precedent for ALL first-time abusers. No one should have the right to potentially condemn innocent people to a life of abuse. We must have faith in our Democracy and trust our social workers, therapists, detention halls, teachers, school counselors, and parents to do the best job they possibly can.
June 22, 2007 at 5:23 pm
“We must have faith in our Democracy and trust our social workers, therapists, detention halls, teachers, school counselors, and parents to do the best job they possibly can.”
Faith and trust isn’t going to get the job done. Education and resulting appropriate action is needed on so many levels of society- particularly within in the education system, the legal system, and the health care system, as well as within families themselves. That’s the only way they will have the information to do the best job that they possibly can. Right now, they’re not doing that.
June 24, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Your post eloquently put into words my anger at every adult who sexually assaults someone. There is no excuse that justifies doing so.
June 28, 2007 at 5:25 pm
I will not comment on Peter Del Valle’s idea except to say it has no place in a civilized society. I hope he is never in a position to make decisions that impact people’s lives! Believe it or not, there are probably legislators at the state and federal level who would endorse his idea. His email is ‘man4theages’…let’s call him ‘despot4theages’
Lisa: “And when an adult “has sex” with a minor… it is called rape/sexual assault. Some places call it sexual battery.
No matter the name, it is a crime. Minors can not legally consent to having sex. If you are an adult, and sexually assault a minor… even if the minor says yes, even if the minor seduces you, you are the adult, you say no. If not, you face the punishment (see below).”
An 18 year old man, on his 18th birthday, has consensual sex with his girlfriend who is one day younger than he is. He is an adult; she is a minor. Your words suggest that, by definition, he sexually assaulted her. And yet, if the two had consensual sex the day before or the day after, it would not be sexual assault. Please recognize the rightful place for logic and reason in this discussion, and realize that arbitrary definitions and cutoffs with regard to age sometimes result in absurd legal ramifications. Every case is unique, every relationship is different, and not all fit the mold that society wants them to fit.
“Maybe next, Ohio’s license plate idea will spread”
Oh my, what a FABULOUS idea…when vigilantes see a car with an SO license plate, they’ll try to run the driver off the road, putting everyone in danger…just fantastic.
“…and know what the ordinances are, and that they can change at anytime… that is part of your sentence.”
New ordinances and changes to existing ordinances, when applied to a pre-existing case, constitute ex post facto punishment. That is wrong. What about the SO who offended 30 years ago, has completed his entire sentence, has lived a crime-free life ever since, has lived in the same house for the last 10 years, and boom, a new law is passed and the police knock on his door and tell him he has 48 hours to move or he’ll be jailed for 10 years, all because his house is 999 feet from a bus stop that the school district added yesterday?
June 28, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Eric,
I also said this:
“I dont agree with everything the legal system is doing, especially when it concerns the sex offender registry. There are some acts that don’t belong on the registry. Mooning someone deserves a kick in the buttocks. Urinating in a public place deserves some community service cleaning Port-A-Pottys with a toothbrush. But if you rape or sexually assault or sexually abuse; whether you abuse your authority, or use force, or violence or lies and manipulations; you belong on the SOR even after jail.”
I have written many posts stating that I don’t agree with everything that has been deemed a sex offense. I have written many times that consentual sex between teens needs to be taken into a different consideration. I have written many times, and believe sincerly, that the current state of the SOR and the laws and ordinances are uneffective in the long run. I have also written many times that each case needs to be decided on the merits of that individual case; the blanket thing isn’t working.
This being said, I do believe the laws are the laws. Just because we don’t like them, doesnt mean we can just break them. They need to be changed.
What I am absolutely tired of is listening to child molesters, rapists, and pedophiles (true child molesters, rapists and pedophiles) bitch about their pentance, with absolutely no remorse or regard for their victims.
I am working to affect change in the laws… I’m not sitting around just bitching about them.
But sexual predators, child molesters, rapists, whatever you want to call them… the ones that cause harm to another individual… I want to know where they are. I want to know what they are driving.
Unfortunately, with the laws the way they are now, there are many child molesters who will NEVER be known to the public because statutes run out before the child is an adult and is finally safe to come forward, or finally realizes the abuse had a long term effect on them… or whatever. Those laws are my first and main concern.
So I will stick with what I said earlier: If you don’t want to do the time and all that entails at this time, then don’t do the crime.
June 28, 2007 at 8:42 pm
Amen.
June 29, 2007 at 4:58 am
Well, that was VERY well said, some of you!
“Faith and trust isn’t going to get the job done. Education and resulting appropriate action is needed on so many levels of society- particularly within in the education system, the legal system, and the health care system, as well as within families themselves. That’s the only way they will have the information to do the best job that they possibly can. Right now, they’re not doing that.”
Possibly (I merely suggest) if we could try adding into the hard-work and caring that you speak of, which is missing-in-action (what action?), then adding even *a little faith* and trust would actually help. That is why they do not “do anything” by and of themselves, since, well, how the bleep could they?
–g
June 29, 2007 at 8:27 am
I think you’re right Galen, but I think it depends on who is being given that faith and trust.The suggestion by Riley to have faith in Democracy and trust in those who have already been entrusted to do a job that they are not doing is quite shortsighted.
Putting faith in a failable system and those who work within it unprepared, is ill-placed faith. It leads to complacency rather than action.Working within that broken system sometimes robs those people of the faith that what they do can make a difference. Maybe if they had the proper tools to do the job (information,funding,staff,etc.) they would not lose hope so quickly.
“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Faith being a sense of hope that is “known” by only the knower is important in the sense that it gives power to sustain the action needed to make change. That is important. We’d give up without that.
August 29, 2007 at 3:35 am
Colonies… wow. So much for “this isn’t a punishment”. Would never fly – if it did, you could expect other “undesirable” social groups to follow.
Personally, I’m annoyed that we can see the SO registries, but not the murders / “regular” assault criminals. I personally would like to protect my family from ALL criminals.
I can understand not posting addresses & such for drug dealers – it’d be like advertisement; likewise for prostitutes, even though it IS a “sex” crime in most states.
Lisa, you’re right on just about everything. I would like to make the fine line distinction between a Sex Predator and a Sex Offender. A man caught having sex with his legal-age girlfriend on a public beach, in California at least, can (and most likely will) be charged with indecent exposure or lewd and lascivious behavior, which can lead to “sex offender” status. THIS is not the same thing as someone assaulting someone, but it’s treated the same in the eyes of most people, as we’ve been conditioned by the media to see “sex offender” as equivalent to “child molester” or “rapist”.
You are incorrect on mooning and public urination – these are not sex crimes – or shouldn’t be, unless someone had a real sucky lawyer. There is no element of sexual gratification, which is necessary in even most “indecent exposure” laws. This is why ‘nudists’ get away with walking around UC Santa Cruz without getting arrested.
That, and people only seem to complain when they see Chris Farley types naked, not the Brad Pitts or Vin Diesels of the world. And you never hear of women being charged with indecent exposure, as men are rarely offended by seeing a woman naked.
Lots of grey hairs – and it’s still true that enough money, and a good enough lawyer, and the laws don’t apply equally to everyone, anyways.
The bigger problem I see with the license plate idea (as I had thought of it, too) is that it will allow child predators to more easily coordinate with each other, or create opportunities for vigilantes to stake out cars waiting for the guy to show up. Or just increase vandalism on their vehicles.
It would make more sense, as cheap as the technology is these days, to require sexual predators (and non-sexual predators, too; and murderers) to have their vehicles outfitted with GPS devices that would turn yellow on a monitor if they appeared to be cruising (pattern recognition), or were driving too close to a restricted area – and red if they stopped at one they weren’t registered with as having business to conduct.
It is also important, in non-assault sex offenses, or public indecency situations, to recognize that some people are simply thrill seekers, or shy, or in awkward living situations, and while not actually hurting anyone, are engaged in a sexual action that is deemed unallowable in our society; these people may become addicted to these behaviors, and should be treated as sex addicts.
The worse part, in my opinion, is that just about every sex offender, predator or otherwise, was abused themselves as children – physically and/or sexually. This means that every sex crime is a victim we, as a society, failed in getting into a proper program of therapy, following their own assaultive traumas. The younger the victim at the time of the crime, the more likely to have outward projecting actions that are detrimental in nature.
Which is not to say that every predator is created in this way, or that every child victim will become a perpetrator. But while you are clamoring for tougher sentencing laws, it’s important to realize that your child, the one who was just assaulted yesterday by some perv, tomorrow may be looking at you from the OTHER side of the courtroom. I wonder, when it’s your child, if you will be so vehement in your lust for punishment?
Overall, I feel that Sex Predators need to be monitored. Non-violent sex offenders need to be monitored by police, but not necessarily by the public – they need help to recognize why their behavior is not a proper outlook. If the latter manages to get into a program that works for them, and stays in good standing for a reasonable period (10 to 15 yrs in most states), then yeah, they should be able to get off the registry. If they still screw up, well, they should have known better by then.
Erratum: I mis-spoke; I didn’t mean “non-violent”, I meant “non-predator”. You can be a predator without being violent.
Anyways, I’m rambling now. It’s 3:30 am, and I need to work in 3.5 hrs.
Dream a little Dream for me.
November 14, 2007 at 2:20 am
Well yes I will admit Lisa that was a very good articale you wrote but I have on problem with it.! You sound as if you or some one you know has been victimized. I say this because you always state ” HE “. let us not forget that mopre and more are sick woman teachers in the news. So I guess the sexist comment of ” HE ” should change! Also you arguements are very very true about the devastation an offender has on his victoms, before, during and after. However, what about the young men and women on the registery that had consensal sex while they where underage with another underage person. Are they truly an offender. Hence if you had underage sex then your partner should be registered. My problem is grouping all offenders together. Clearly there has to be a way to seperate the actual predators from the people that ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time. To say everyone is bad that is on a sex registery I feel is very prehistoric. Not that I condone and adult and a minor having sex, but lets us not forget that when our grandparents were growing up, and even our parents, this activity wasn’t that uncommon. Violence yes is bad. But to catagorize everyone the same is truly unjust and not fair. If back in the 60’s we could put a monkey into outer space then surely now we can develop a way to stop catagorizing and stero-typing everyone. This has been a which hunt for along time, but now thanks to the media it’s just more public and published, not because it’s happening more. Don’t be confused if you thing this is new, cause it has been around for years!
November 14, 2007 at 11:03 am
Dave,
I am a survivor of sexual abuse and a date rape. I am also healing, which is something not every survivor is able to do. What, however, does that have to do with what I wrote? The fact is, that 98 percent of perpatrators are male.
If you had read the entire article, you would also see that I wrote that I don’t agree with everything that goes on. I do think it is imperfect.
If you scroll up just 6 comments, to what I answered another who chose not to read the entire article (or understand it, or whatever the case may be), Posted by Lisa on June 28th, you can read exactly my feelings about the SOR and the laws that need to change.
And because 98 percent of all perps are male, I will leave my “sexist” comment to HE. If that’s all you can find wrong with my article… so be it.
As a side note, it is common in the English language to categorize as HE.
Anything else?
November 25, 2007 at 6:13 am
Lisa,
I was very sorry to read that you were both sexually abused and date-raped. You seem to have an enormous amount of anger and cynicism as a result. However, your experience only gives you marginal qualification on what some victims go through. I doubt that your feelings, as powerful as they may be, are by any means universal.
You see this subject from a victim’s point of view. And in doing so, you miss the larger picture. Have you ever wondered how sex offenders came to be in the first place?
For nearly twelve years, I sat through countless group therapy sessions in a sex offender treatment program. I have heard probably two- or three- dozen life stories from men who commited genuine sex crimes, and only one or two who had an underage girlfriend a few years younger than themselves. Perhaps the most common attribute among all of these stories is that most did not consider themselves as seriously deviant or dangerous before their behavior became criminal. The process of developing deviance is fairly slow and subtle, and almost always accompanied by denial.
So pronounced is this commonality, that often the first several months, if not years, are spent in breaking down that wall of denial. In the beginning, no one, deviant or not, willingly thinks of themselves as a sex offender – real or potential.
And this is where the laws, and your angry insistence on perpetual punishment for all sex offenders, fails society, and creates future victims. (Congratulations, you too are now a sex offender by proxy.)
Anyone, including you and all the legislators in every state of the union, who impedes the successful reform and rehabilitation of sex offenders, and the preventative treatment potential sex offenders – is complicit in the abuse, rape, assault or murder that could have been otherwise prevented.
Put aside your anger for a moment, and feel the unbridled guilt of your ill-considered demands for vengence. Imagine that for every tear you have shed, a thousand new victims weeping and wailing your name.
If you honestly want to prevent new sex crimes, the only way to do it is to prevent them before they can occur. That means two things:
1. Reform and rehabilitate those who have already commited sex crimes (convicted or not).
2. Help potential sex offenders develop in ways which avoid sexual deviance.
Your anger and loathing accomplish neither. There are effective sex offender treatment programs available for emulation. If successful completion of such a program were mandated as part of the sentence upon conviction (with the alternative being imprisonment until it was completed), then we wouldn’t have untreated sex offenders abusing or killing innocents, as in Florida a few years ago.
As for your personal situation, I wish you the greatest success in recovering from what seems to be truly traumatizing events. Your anger and fury are justified, but directing against those who did not harm you, is not. Condemning all sex offenders, or all men, because of your personal experience with a very few, is reckless. Do you also wish to persecute people of the same race, religion, or heritage, because they too are associated with your perpetrators? Probably not.
In the sex offender treatment program I was in, offenders were required to develop empathy for their victim(s), and imagine what they went through. The final assignments revolved around “clarification” in which the offender explains, in person or in writing, that the victim was not responsible for the what happened to them, and the offender takes full responsibility. I am told that the offender’s words and apology, sincerely offered, are vastly more powerful and healing than whatever one’s therapists may have to offer.
I hope you are working with a good therapist, and your perpetrators are working on correcting their deviance. Such things are not easily accomplished in prison, for prisons offer nothing but a cacaphony of excuses, lies, and distortions which leads to even more sinister deviance.
In the end, the sort of life you lead will depend as much on your future decisions, as on your past. You can choose to stay angry, bitter and fearful; or you can work toward a much happier, less destructive future. It is appropriate to demand that you perpetrators reform and apologize, and that can only happen if they have some hope of eventually leading rewarding, responsible, non-deviant lives. It is not appropriate to thwart their recovery, or discourage those who might seek to control and end their own deviant desires before they victimize someone else.
November 25, 2007 at 10:17 am
You aren’t sorry about a goddamn thing you sick, twisted, piece of human garbage.
You can bet Lisa’s feelings about sexual abuse and rape are fairly universal among survivors of sexual abuse or rape, and I know that your self-centered, self-serving, unapologetic, attempt to shame her is part and parcel of the kind of abuse and manipulation sociopath’s like yourself engage in every day.
It’ll catch up with you Larry, and sooner than you may think.
November 26, 2007 at 1:53 am
Assuming, pretending to know what or how others think, and seeking excuses to engage in violence or sexual deviance are all hallmarks of a deviant or predatory personality. YOU fit these criteria, and you are closer to being a sex offender that you would care to admit. It is calle “denial”.
Among the tactics of those who are deviant, and in denial, are blaming other people (projecting) for their own faults and deficiencies; or launching vicious, unprovoked attacks on others (a whipping boy, or member of a target group), in the hopes that no one will suspect the evil that lies within them (the finger pointer).
You can pretend to have as much righteous indignation as you care to muster, but the fact remains that for every sex offender you dissuade from ending the cycle of abuse, you become a party to every sexually criminal act they perform afterward.
Reality can be a tough world. I suggest you grow up and learn to live in it.
Regards,
Larry
November 26, 2007 at 7:02 am
You are so totally disturbed Larry. Your therapy has done nothing to help you, obviously. No one here is seeking excuses to engage in violence or sexual deviance except yourself and the stray freak that passes through. I fit none of those criteria and neither does Lisa.
Vicious, unprovoked attack? You come to a site that seeks justice for survivors of child sexual abuse and rape, don’t even take the time to read the story behind it or how anyone else here does feel, and shoot your mouth off as if you are some kind of safety advocate. You’re in the wrong place Larry, and you don’t know who you’re dealing with here.
No one here is dissuading any sex offender from ending the cycle of abuse. If that’s what you see here, then you are sadly delusional. You have no idea what goes on here. You’re here to get attention. You’ll get it.
I know about reality.
YOU are the sex offender in this conversation. Why? Because you committed a sex offense, and your attitude indicates continuing narcissistic entitlement and sociopathy. You are unhinged Larry, Mr. Righteous Sex Offender.
FYI, don’t worry about Lisa’s abuser sitting in jail either. He has never paid for his years of rape since she was 8 years old, which by any standard cannot be considered marginal. The man is free to roam as he pleases, denying his crimes, not seeking therapy, and wouldn’t you know it, allowed to carry a concealed weapon.
You want to mess with the people I care about Larry. people who are doing real child protection advocacy? Keep talking. You don’t know where I work. You will find out if you keep it up. Every visit you make to a site is logged along with location and IP address, and that’s all they need.
Move along loser.
November 26, 2007 at 7:27 am
Whoa, Larry, yeah…proselytize away like some kind of all-knowing champion of the abused. Who the hell do you think you are anyway, telling people what to do to recover? Yeah, therapy is great. Give it a real try without the denial and manipulation.
You failed to develop empathy for your victims Larry. Yes, you did. The fact that you are here and preaching as if you are some king of expert on healing suggests that you are just trying to get a rise out of the people who have been hurt by the kinds of things you’ve done. You are projecting your anger about your own incarceration and your own responsibility for that and your crime onto everyone else. YOU and ONLY YOU are responsible for your actions Larry.
You wrote:
“In the sex offender treatment program I was in, offenders were required to develop empathy for their victim(s), and imagine what they went through. The final assignments revolved around “clarification” in which the offender explains, in person or in writing, that the victim was not responsible for the what happened to them, and the offender takes full responsibility. I am told that the offender’s words and apology, sincerely offered, are vastly more powerful and healing than whatever one’s therapists may have to offer.”
Your use of language is revealing. You were in the program, but it was “the offenders” who went through this process. You’ve been told that “the offenders” words and apology are more powerful and healing than whatever a therapist has to offer. You don’t accept that YOU are an offender, not a deep, unconscious level, and this attempt you are making to present yourself here as something else is flimsy, but typical of your kind.
As for the power of apology in helping one to heal- they are a dime-a-dozen, and even then, most survivors of sexual abuse and rape never get one Larry. As for therapy, well, that would be necessary anyway, because these things damage so many aspects of a person’s life that an apology doesn’t mean much in the way of undoing the damage.
No. You’re definitely not recovered. Keep trying. Good luck.
November 26, 2007 at 8:35 am
Uh, I mean
Larry Steven Gilstrap of
7901 Cameron Rd. Apt. 211 Austin, Texas 78754
Convicted of:
36010001 Indecency w/child sexual contact
Gender: Male
Hair:Brown
Height: 5 ft 10 in.
DOB 3/18/1954
Race:white and racist
Eyes:Hazel
Weight:195
Age:53
Glad you’re reformed. Now Get Out of Here!!!
November 27, 2007 at 12:03 am
How much time have either of you half-wits spent actually dealing with this issue? Odds are, neither one of you have the slightest idea of what is involved in sex offender therapy, or how to realistically prevent future sex crimes. All you seem to do is beat on those who have complied with the registration laws, and who are less likely to reoffend than the typical felon.
Do you even have any idea what the reoffense rate is for someone who has completed a good s.o. treatment program? Try *under 5%*!
I have not reoffended in the 17 years since my conviction,
and that was before all these useless insance laws were enacted. You have no qualification or cause to evaluate my reform as anything other than complete!
And you are still guilty of discouraging other unconvicted offenders and potential offenders, and are in part responsible for any victims they might offend in the future.
All that these “messages” to sex offenders do, is to convince those who haven’t been caught or corrected to stay in denial, and make sure that they are never caught.
I hope you will sleep comfortably knowing that you may have contributed to thousands of avoidable molestations and probably a few deaths.
Regards,
Larry G.
November 27, 2007 at 12:36 am
You are a very disturbed man laying your own blame on other people. No one here but the sex offenders are responsible for thousands of avoidable molestations and deaths.
You don’t even know who we are Larry. You certainly don’t know who I am. You have no idea what my “qualifications” are.
Wanna keep going? Do we need to see your photo, talk about your Navy days…
Come on Larry. Do they need your phone number too?
Get lost.
February 28, 2008 at 10:45 am
Hey, its Feb 28. Isn’t the sentencing hearing for Bryan Farmer today? Has anyone heard whether or not this man is going to jail?
February 28, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Oh brother, I just read this in the Clarksville Leaf Chronicle–
JUDGE RESETS FARMER SENTENCING
Attorney requests a reset pending current appeal
By NATE KARLIN
The Leaf-Chronicle
Bryan Farmer’s sentencing hearing has been reset to June 5.
Opposing attorneys agreed to the request pending the outcome of Farmer’s appeal from his his first trial last May.
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Thursday’s request was part of the plea agreement in November, Asst. District Attorney General John Finklea said, when Farmer, a former Northeast High School teacher and basketball coach, pleaded no contest to three counts of statutory rape of a Northeast High School student.
Circuit Court Judge John Gasaway was hesitant to grant the request as he said the disposition could take up to a year.
“I’ll try to accomodate you but this is a bit much,” Gasaway said.
In that first case, Farmer was found guilty in May of one count of sexual battery by an authority figure with a then-15-year-old NEHS student.
Farmer appealed the guilty verdict and has not had to serve his 60-day jail sentence.
He is currently serving three years of probation.